I like the way you play with what I see here, and with the stance of the
poet in relation to the subjects of the poem. Some of the lines
surprise/delight me (the idea of rhodadendrums "sheltering" in a forest...
h'm, yes, I like it!) and I love the idea of "if only we could wait a
haiku moment" which sounds like a (silent and knowing smile of a) haiku
moment in itself - until you give us the last (loud) line!
I don't find, tho, the word "lambkins" seems to fit into the same vocabulary
as some of the other images in the poem (mancunian road sign and heifers, in
particular, seem very very real and "lambkins" doesn't...). (and the kestrel
and hawk "tints ...with shades of blood" is also dark and brooding. Is it
that yr gradually lowering us into these darker tones (and choices of words)
from the innocence of where you start? If so, I'm wondering what direction
the last line is leading me...
Bob
>From: John Carley <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Alden
>Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 10:59:47 +0100
>
>Hi friends, here's a verse sequence about a place where I live.
>
>Best wishes, John
>
>(and eeeeeeee, hasn't it gone quiet!)
>
>Alden
>--
> the little lambkins bounce about
> before their sinews thicken
>
>streak a ginger cat in the grass a rabbit
>
>
>deep eyes dark with urgent lust
> a heifer churns the April mud
>
>some rhododendrons shelter in the forest
>
>
>chords are plundered moaning
> from a lost Mancunian road sign
>
>hailstones fizz like static through a band of reeds
>
>
>giddy rivers at The Rackles
>do the work of glaciers
>
>if only we could wait a haiku moment
>
>
> foxes and a kestrel
>tint the sunlight with their shades blood
>
>the poet earns a squawk for merely passing
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