like your rhyme ok, gary, and the poem in general. Re rhyme,

I think it was Maryann reminded me recently that you need to look at the
beginnings as well as the ends of lines ... and all through the lines for
sound; if one overconcentrates on rhyme, the lines can sound a bit like

didi didi didi didi clong
didi didi did didi didi blong


Sally, indeed.  Thanks.  In retrospect the 12 count lines are too long so
the revision below.

In addition, though it is not kosher I wonder this rhyme challenged dude
should use mostly near rhyme though it may not be the rules for some forms.
Esp till I learn to start better than a paper rhyme.  still consonant heavy
though.  Maybe I'm German!

Gary

Pantun:  English Brush Experiment

A brush dipped in ink touches plain paper,
wild herbs flourish ploughed under by my sneeze.
I'll seize you in tall grass, and we'll scamper
till dawn as each ensures the other's pleased.

A draft of wine to put me at my ease,
A fresh sheet joins those tossed upon the fire?
You hide behind drift logs, ever the tease.
When caught in white dunes, you claim to be tired.

On the wall an old drawing I admire,
before me only blank paper, dried brush.
As night comes, we huddle near a bonfire;
though sleepy, we know no reason to rush.

On my table is childish gibberish;
ink and brush hid with bills, legal papers.
Morning, groggy, we head home, damp brush pushed
rushing for early supper, warm wrappers.


Melody for April and Gar finds at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html

The Wild/Eliot  Hyperpoem at:  http://wildhyper.homestead.com/front.html

Poets for Peace.  ¡Poemas sí, balas no!