I agree with you here, Insect, and my response to minimalism is that carried
to its extreme we are left with no words at all. Perhaps that is a thought
to toy with. But like everything else I have learned through this and other
sites it is a thought to hold in your head when writing, the "ing" thing,
the cliche, the show not tell, they are all valid points but at the end I
hear what they say , the criteria becomes part of my craft and I still write
my way, sometimes it is improved by the thought, the guard , being there,
but musicality that , to me, is the essence of poetry.
Which reminds me of a scene in " Amadeus" when the Emperor tells Mozart "
Too many notes! Just get rid of a few, there's a good fellow." Mozart,
exasperated, asks "How can there be too many notes there are as many as I
need not more not less........enough". Or words to that effect, it is a
while since I saw the film.
----- Original Message -----
From: "grasshopper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, January 08, 2002 5:41 PM
Subject: Re: New sub:Old Hurts
> Dear Cara,
> Another interesting read. You often write these subtle explorations
of
> relationships.
> I would suggest that it's 'amazed by the way', not 'at the way'
> I'm piggybacking on Gary's comments, with apologies,
> because I disagree with his belief that if you can possibly cut a word out
> off the poem, cut it. This, to me, ignores the music of words.For
instance,
> he suspected that the innocent glass..
> he suspected the innocent glass... to me, the first sounds right, the
second
> sounds clipped.
> Also the definite article often adds weight to a noun, grounding it in
the
> context of the poem, so I see no reason automatically to delete the
definite
> articles.
> We aren't composing telegrams where we have to pay for
> each word, so I don't know where this fervour to chop chop comes from, but
> my heart and ear tell me that cuts are often being suggested without good
> reason.
> I'm sure you disagree with me, Gary, so please come back at me about it
if
> you wish.
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "garydawg" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 08, 2002 3:44 PM
> Subject: Re: New sub:Old Hurts
>
>
> > Cara, reads well though I would drop a couple of words and do not like
the
> > lone jar.
> >
> > Thanks.
> >
> > Gary
> Another ineteresting >
> > He was always amazed
> > at the way she picked
> > the frayed edges
> > of relationships.
> >
> > Then kept the multi-coloured (no then)
> > ends of threads
> > in a translucent
> > jar. (too short)
> >
> > He suspected
> > that the innocent glass (no that)
> > played tricks upon
> > her perceptions.
> >
> > When she stayed up at night,
> > he imagined,
> > she spilled
> > the coloured strands (no the)
> >
> > over the drab table-cloth;
> > tried to re-weave them
> > into patterns
> > that would have pleased.
> >
> > He could track the tears (no the)
> > on her cheeks
> > once she had climbed
> > the heavy stairs
> >
> > to join him. (fine end)
> >
> > January guest Nat at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html,
> >
> > Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
> >
> > Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
> >
|