Arthur, I think Sally-ee has a point about leaving
out the questions but I am not as averse to them as
she seems to be.  They could in fact grow on me.  Some
alternatives for your consideration in the text.
cheers, cara

--- Arthur <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >
Catechism
>
> Did he come?
>             Yes, he came.
> When did he come?
>             One morning, early in spring.
               ('in early spring')
> Did he speak?
>             At first  he just stood,
>             looking out of the window, watching the
> morning,
              ('looked...watched')
>             but then, later, he spoke at some
> length,
               ('for some time')
>             quietly.
> What did his voice sound like?
>             Like bells at evensong, sad and distant.

(I'm not sure of this simile: it all depends how near
one is to the bells.  Attempt to silence those of
Giggleswick church)
> What did he look like?
>             A shadow, a shape, a silhouette,
              (omit the second and third 'a's)
>             slender against the spring light.
> Did he smile?
>             Oh yes, sweet and plump as an orange, he
> smiled,
>             but only the once
>             and it shone like a fish leaping in
(Most importantly write 'the smile' instead of 'it')
> sunlight.
> Why did he smile?
>             Something I asked him.
> What did you ask?
>             The cost of loving?
> What was his answer?
>             The smile.
(I'm not sure that these two lines immediately above
are not superfluous.)
> What did he talk about?
>             He asked after you
>             and talked of troubles
(I think these two lines immed. above could be given
the other way around)
> Troubles?
>             The pain of living
>             the drug of dreams,
>             the struggle between is and seems.
(These three lines are brilliant although I'm not
entirely sure that 'drug' is the signifier of 'dreams.
 They can be frightening.)
> Anything else?
>             The curse of gravity
>             the press and passage of the years
>             laughter, friends and  tears.
> Did he leave a message?
>             He said he would wait but not to hurry,
>             there was plenty of time yet.
> When did he leave?
>             It was night, very late.
>             The last owl swooped,
              (Perhaps verging on the cl..he)
>             soft as whispers of love.
> I wish I had been there.
>             He said you would say that.
              (I love this simple falling line.)

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