Hi frank,
I really like what this poem's doing. The mood, atmosphere, it creates and
the (marvelously ambigiously named) sabres!
I would wonder a little about the words ending in "ing" (like James has
mentioned) and the couplet
"is worth enduring for the clean freshness
>of first submergence and aquatic acclimatisation"
seems ponderous (or woolly) (or both) when compared to the rest of the words
in the poem...
But I like the tone in the rest of them poem. I like the poem!
Bob

>From: Frank Faust <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Sub - sabres at patterson river
>Date: Mon, 11 Mar 2002 19:46:28 +1100
>
>(1)
>a flotilla of flat-bottomed sabres
>red triangled teeth atop the white of a single sail
>forty strong and tacking     tightly bunched
>with just one straggler to the rear
>and one that is running hard to port and pointing
>at my piece of floury yellow sand
>marked out as personal territory by towel and book
>and the clear blue overlay of cloudless sky
>
>(2)
>I have waited these three slow-passing months
>of damp and lukewarm pseudo-summer
>for such a day of unambiguous stinging heat
>the salt water is already autumn sharp
>a rapid-cooling contrast to the dry temerature
>rising from carpark bare beach above water level
>but the slap of small-wave motion -
>enough to force the awkwardness of walking on tip-toes
>with every rise in depth towards the nethers -
>is worth enduring for the clean freshness
>of first submergence and aquatic acclimatisation
>
>(3)
>the wind is on the rise     the water less inviting
>sabre teeth are bare poles and singing metal lines
>pulled up before the training clubrooms and above high tide
>various parties are packing up and going home
>despite forty five degrees of sun remaining before curtain fall
>on this Patterson River of powder-sand     gulls
>and boats returning to the river mouth channel in search of berthing
>trailing a bright and silver shiver on the water
>to reflect the last remnants of a Sunday on the bay
>
>~
>
>Frank
>
>The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
>http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>
>
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