Atmospheric, Frank. I love the lines
'at my piece.../ personal territory'
and the last line of all has a lovely sound.Some of
the lines seem a little lumpy in comparison eg the one
that starts 'of first submergence'. Some of the
gerunds could be removed and converted into present
tense eg ' and one that runs hard to port and points'?
Above all the sense of waiting and summer passing is
brilliantly conceived.
cheers, cara
> a flotilla of flat-bottomed sabres
> red triangled teeth atop the white of a single sail
> forty strong and tacking tightly bunched
> with just one straggler to the rear
> and one that is running hard to port and pointing
> at my piece of floury yellow sand
> marked out as personal territory by towel and book
> and the clear blue overlay of cloudless sky
>
> (2)
> I have waited these three slow-passing months
> of damp and lukewarm pseudo-summer
> for such a day of unambiguous stinging heat
> the salt water is already autumn sharp
> a rapid-cooling contrast to the dry temerature
> rising from carpark bare beach above water level
> but the slap of small-wave motion -
> enough to force the awkwardness of walking on
> tip-toes
> with every rise in depth towards the nethers -
> is worth enduring for the clean freshness
> of first submergence and aquatic acclimatisation
>
> (3)
> the wind is on the rise the water less inviting
> sabre teeth are bare poles and singing metal lines
> pulled up before the training clubrooms and above
> high tide
> various parties are packing up and going home
> despite forty five degrees of sun remaining before
> curtain fall
> on this Patterson River of powder-sand gulls
> and boats returning to the river mouth channel in
> search of berthing
> trailing a bright and silver shiver on the water
> to reflect the last remnants of a Sunday on the bay
>
> ~
>
> Frank
>
> The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
> http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>
>
>
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