Earth hath not anything to show more fair.
Dull would he or she be of soul who could pass by
Although it is odd to ear at first, I'm going to disagree with others about
the archaic language. To ask that you do not use it is to me similar to
saying do not write in Latin or Gaelic as dead languages no longer of any
use in this modern world. A good imitation of this poet may demand you use
his form and style which you have done with good form.
Except that is for the long lines which break it out of a sonnet and into
something else. You might consider 14 line count to even the lines up.
Plus I can see some words to delete to get to even count.
Then I will argue with myself: There is a reason to use modern language.
The ultra-PC folk would. They distain these dead white poets and would go
to great lengths to write differently. Therefore perhaps there are two
versions. This and another in modern mode.
Thanks.
Gary
January guest Nat at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html,
Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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