Hi Ryfkah,
I enjoyed this quite a lot for the most part. The following couple of lines
felt a little out (simply to me at pesonal level, I doubt anyone else would
have problem with them) -
'A passing opera singer tells/ me I have a great voice/ must be in a regular
choral group/ I can't sing a note/ The sea parted again'
I thought the first line was a little too direct - wondered if the 'opera
singer' might be suggested, rather than stated. 3rd line I was looking for
an 'and' at the start for continuity, and I didn't really get the last line
in context (or maybe I did, but am not sure), it parted again before it had
parted the first time (in the poem) if you see what I mean.
The bethlehem stanza was a distraction for me (though I understand it might
have particularly purpose for you as author).
Those few small things apart I thought the piece was marvellous and thank
you for it.
Cheers,
Frank
>Blue Moon Blues
>
>The moon bleeds
>then ambers
>finally milks into night
>
>and we shuffle off to the Michel-
>angelo Café to re-
>create genesis
>have caramel lattes
>dip mocha biscottis
>
>He takes out guitar
>like a blue Picasso
>strums Wailin Willy tune
>I light a politically in-
>correct cigarette snigger
>to the moon
>a lunatic
>tapping my foot in
>
>beat with the cosmos
>I sing along
>A passing opera singer tells
>me I have a great voice
>must be in a regular choral group
>I can't sing a note
>The sea parted again
>
>...born
>in Bethlehem
>the moon gone
>a star shot across the sky
>like a snake darting for prey
>I am...
>
>
>Second full moon
>this month I get up to dance
>howling to Howlin Wolf
>Everyone stares
>Cars honking me on
>I just boogie along the sidewalk
>speakeasing to the eyeball night
>My guy says Sit down
>You're making a spectacle of yourself
>
>I simply levitate and raise the dead
>other small pleasures
>
>Ryfkah 3/3/02
The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
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