Hi Terri,
Nice control of the villanelle form here. You seem to have gone for the four
stress version rather than the five stress line. More difficult than it
looks and a tendency towards end line stops instead of enjambment as you
display here. I wonder if you need the questions at the beginning. Could it
just be made a straight statement instead? Liked it though there seems to be
a bit of sniffiness at the form these days as everybody is doing one like a
kind of poets rite of passage. Not for one moment suggesting this is the
case here.
>From: alderoak <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New: Are they dancing in the rain?
>Date: Fri, 8 Mar 2002 09:41:55 -0000
>
>Are they dancing in the rain?
>
>
>Are they dancing in the rain?
>Cupping hands towards the light?
>Rainbows snaking down the drain?
>
>Teardrops mark the ceiling pane.
>Curse my feeble body's blight!
>Are they dancing in the rain?
>
>I was once immune to pain,
>Danced among them, strong and white,
>Rainbows snaking down the drain.
>
>Guilt anaesthetising pain,
>Giving breath they took my right,
>Kept me dancing in the rain.
>
>Paint a smile and don't complain.
>Anger's not a pretty sight.
>Rainbows sanitise the drain.
>
>When I'm whole and blind again,
>When I lose the will to fight,
>I'll go dancing in the rain,
>Rainbows snaking down the drain.
>
>
>Terri )O(
bw
James
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