For C & C:
With The Toon Army
Like everyone else, I love ‘em. That’s obvious.
But when it was crossed, high and up
over the penalty spot, the panic
had already set in. The Centre Backs that
had looked shaky already, but not absurd,
had no chance of clearing it, not
a chance of clearing it. Not
a bloody hope. If you were there it was obvious.
So obvious. The keeper, with that absurd
dainty jump, should’ve shouted, leapt up
and punched it clear. Not that
he could’ve stopped the panic,
that chaotic, can’t be stopped bloody panic
there must have been on The Somme. Not
that it’s war, or life or death. All that,
as Shankley said, is less serious. It’s obvious
we’ll do great this season. And up
front we’re all right. Shearer. But the word Absurd –
that’s the only bloody word, AB-SURD –
that describes what goes on at the back. Panic
is too effing polite as well. Hell. Two up
at half-time. Should’ve cruised it. Not
sat back but played steady. It’s obvious
we’ll have to buy again. Another European. That
would sort it. Height. Elbows. You buy that
from abroad. I know Phil Babb’s heard
we want him. But Italians are obvious
choices for defence. No panic
and ruthless. Crunch ‘em, but not
so you’d see. Then hold it, dribble it up
well past half-way. Dribble. Not hoof it up
and hope. Footwork and thinking. That
sums up what we want. Positive play. Not
the old English way, long shorts, absurd
toe-cap boots, all that sort of crap. An’ Nick,
who’s got the next seat, knows it’s obvious
too. I ought to phone. Obvious, a drink. Not
serious, no panic, just fun. Now that
would be good. Start absurd rumours. Set ‘em up.
Bob Cooper
(N.B. The Toon Army is one of the names assumed by Newcastle United's fans)
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