on 5/3/02 3:47 pm, tlrelf at [log in to unmask] wrote:

> Hey Sally:
> Thank you.  I like the phrase, "chewy sound", but will attempt to avoid it
> nonetheless!  I hadn't thought to count consonants, etc., which is odd
> becuase I'm so used to counting with the other forms I use.  Guess I go into
> "wild abandon mode" sometimes...
>
> Could you let me know about the logic, too, please?  Your comment about how
> "it would be" I take it to mean because they're alien, which was one of the
> reasons I organized it this way, their logic, not mine!  hehe
>
yes I go along with that; re-reading it, I think I just mean its skippety.
consonsants slow down a line, so being aware of them can help keep the tempo
where you want it. Sally
> Ter
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Sally Evans" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Sunday, March 03, 2002 3:15 PM
> Subject: Re: hypertext poem--request for C&C
>
>
>> on 3/3/02 10:02 am, tlrelf at [log in to unmask] wrote:
>>
>>>
>>
>>
>> I think this is super, terrie, but I would have used unbeknown, not
>> unbeknownst. In the fist line to have a chewy sound like that, rather
> spolis
>> it. Unbeknownst has 3 vowels and 8 consonants!
>> I like it all, even though I find the logic rather puzzling in places, but
>> it would be, wouldn't it. hatchlings is good, even though that has 8
>> consonants and 2 vowels.
>> Sally ee
>>
>> Unbeknownst to human kind,
>>> we have lingered in the chambers of the sea.
>>> They look skyward, think us there,
>>> yet we wade on the surface of their waves,
>>> watch as they direct their lens
>>> to measureless space.
>>>
>>> They listen on their radios,
>>> spend billions on pseudoscience.
>>> We could teach them more than this,
>>> if they honor the promised code:
>>> "We come in peace".
>>>
>>> We've asked ourselves,
>>> "do I dare disturb the universe?"
>>> certain that we already have.
>>> This is a question they've rarely asked,
>>> while polluting that space they so love to explore.
>>>
>>> Perhaps you've noticed a peculiar shimmer
>>> from the corner of your eye,
>>> and thought it rays of sun or moon captured by the waves.
>>> Perhaps it was I, or another of my kind;
>>> our obsidian orbs cast an eerie light.
>>>
>>> Marooned on a planet far from home,
>>> we often dwell upon ironies such as this:
>>> a species who expends so much to deny
>>> what is right before their eyes.
>>>
>>> I ask you now, who is watching whom?
>>>
>>> And so I've  placed this "poem" in a bottle,
>>> discarded by a careless child.
>>> But in this, as with many things,
>>> we find purpose where none was claimed.
>>>
>>> When it rains, we dance upon your moonlit shores,
>>> burrow in your sands to
>>> spawn, then pray our hatchlings will remember all
>>> and so bequeath you history.
>>>
>>> There was a time when people knew
>>> that the sea was source of life immortal.
>>> From it we come, to it we return,
>>> waves thrashing upon the shore.
>>>
>>> Yes, life does hover at universe's edge;
>>> a moon, and behind it, stars.
>>>
>>> Terrie