delicious black humour, Arthur,
I'm not usually a fan of dialect, but this was a scene straight out of 'Last
of the Summer Wine'
wonderful
P-P
>From: Arthur <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new Sub: Tales at my Mothers Knee#3
>Date: Sat, 2 Mar 2002 17:28:48 -0000
>
>Tales at my Mother's Knee #3
>
>
>Ah wu, niver cut aht fuh t' job in't fust place,
>he sed, burah needed t'wuk
>an' ah cud 'andil 'osses
>an' ah figgered milk or coffins its same 'osses,
>so ah tuk the job, fur a cupple of wiks onyroad.
>
>Thay call'em all sorts nah,
>funeral directors or summat lahk,
>an wus in America, ah hear,
>but back then it wah t'undertakers.
>Cookson Brothuhs at t'end o't streeat.
>'osses wi'black plumes on thur 'eeads
>an' a luvly 'erse, all black and silver.
>Luvely way to gooah!
>Ah ed to weear a top 'at and t 'lot
>an sit theer lukkin' proper miserable and respectful,
>they even pahdered mi face white.
>Aye, ah cud 'andle 'osses wi t'best on 'em, reet enuff
>but shavin' a corpse, well, summah its not same thing.
>
>Dust knaw, he sed,
>certin things go on wukkin' aftuh tha's cocked thi clogs.
>Noah, nawther did ah till ah 'ed tuh shave Simmy.
>Yuh see thi beard gus on growin' after tha's clocked aht
>so ah 'ad to shave 'em so they looked neat and reet
>when they wuh laid aht in thu front rooms
>an' thi stummick goes on wukkin', too, digestin' an that.
>
>Ah wuh shavin' Simmy,
>Simeon 'ardcastle, young Martin's granddad,
>but sithee say nowt, doan't goah upsettin' fowks for noah reason,
>but ah wuh shavin' 'im,
>an' that wuh queer enuff withaht owt else,
>an' 'e must ' ave et earty at 'is last meal
>cos as ah leaned on his stummick
>latherin' 'is jaw,
>he belched, reet in mi face, a reet rift,
>like a clap o'thunder,
>ah felt t'wind on it on mi hand
>a reet weird cowd breeze.
>Well, jug o lather an t'brush wuh inta wun cornah
>an' t'cut throwat inter t'other
>an' ah wuh aht a theer lahk a greyahnd out on its trap.
>
>As ah say ah ony wukkt theear a cupple a wiks.
>ah mean 'andling 'osses is one thing
>but shavin' bad-mannered corpses
>as can't say pardin is anothuh.
Perpetua Pullman
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