I think Americans write so many great poems about their small towns and I
envy what they can do in how they look at places, capture the essence of the
sense of place and then let it blossom out from the words.
I think, however, I agree with Frank Faust - that the repetition doesn't
work too well (maybe because the poem isn't long enough to "hide" or
diminish the impact. Other words like "Here" (or something similar) may
provide a start to the stanzas where repetition occurs...
And I'm also wondering if, because you have the phrase, "attention to
detail" if we have enough detail? I mean the food... "tavern fare" is almost
a detail... (though, because I'm not too sure what Tavern Fare is - being a
Brit who doesn't watch enough imported television - "I" would like to know
more...). But (more importantly for the poem, perhaps) what's served at the
market deli? I feel as if I want things to taste, (and maybe hear, smell,
and touch) as well being told what I can see. Maybe the details help to
capture the universal truth - that so, so many places are seen by looking at
just one particular place.
I'm thinking about the title aswell... (but I find titles so, so difficult
to get right...) (and I make the excuse that I leave the title, don't
finalise it, until I know what poem will precede it, and what poem will
follow it, in a sequence, or collection, or whatever. Title language is so
different from poem language, and titles often relate as much other titles
as they do to the poem they're attached to.) How do you think your title
works?
Bob
>From: garydawg <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Reflections on Scio after One Month's Absence
>Date: Mon, 22 Oct 2001 07:56:29 -0700
>
>Reflections on Scio after One Month's Absence
>
>These small towns grab me,
>they capture my attention
> like waterfalls on the Upper Santiam
> or sand dollars on Wash-Away Beach.
>
>These small town may not contain
>fine restaurants or even Denny's -
> what food they serve tavern fare
> or from the market deli.
>
>The art in these small towns
>seems limited to gift shop bric-a-brac
> and the books you read must be bought
> ten miles up the road or mail delivered.
>
>These small town grab me
>in their quiet solitude
> and attention to detail
> about the comings and goings of neighbors.
>
>October with Judy and Scio: Homepage:
>http://gardawg.homestead.com/homestead.html,
>
>Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
>
>Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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