Hi Frank,
I admit to being a fan of your work and like this piece. If there is
anything, and it is a weaknes of yours, is the line endings. There are lots
with personal pronouns here not working to any purpose that I can see,
whereas a slight change with a harder ending would improve the poem no end.
bw
James
>From: Frank Faust <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub - tango
>Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2001 12:52:44 +1000
>
>I can't dance the tango I am
>strictly a watching man
>I can't dance the tango but I saw
>him wriggle his behind
>in a fancy little shuffle while
>that girl nearly popped out... why
>is she hanging upside down she
>really almost... did you see the way
>her leg flicked right up among his articles
>I didn't know to tango
>was to risk your jewels she's
>wrapped herself around him
>how can a woman so many times
>she looks as though she'll break for sure and
>what about those other two they're
>mincing up and down and eye to eye
>this isn't like a tango this is more
>like watching as a flame licks
>up and down with restless hands they're dressed
>in black and burning red and can you
>see she's climbing him from the ground until
>he's holding her right before his face if I'm
>ever going to tango I think I better make
>a booking for a lesson
>
>~
>
>Frank
>
>The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
>http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>
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