Hi there Terri,

Thanks for the suggestions on this one, I've printed 'em out for later
revision. They're a help.

CW, Mary :O)

--- alderoak <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> you can feel the pavement heat on this one - and the in-her-head madness
> of
> whatever she's done and the devil-may-care nakedness of her walk
>
> my only quibble is the last two lines.
>
> do you need the penultimate line?
>
> If you do, does the last line need a question mark?
>
> I think I'd prefer her to say
>
> 'The hell you care'
>
> with or without exclamation
>
> Terri )O(
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Maryann Hazen-Stearns" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2001 4:49 PM
> Subject: New Sub: A Walk & A Visit
>
>
> > Come along if you wish friends, C&C appreciated as always. :O)
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > A Walk & A Visit
> >
> >
> > She walks in clean skinny skin
> > no more, no less than flesh
> > in a sweat on concrete haze
> > Pretends she's all alone
> > in her head
> >
> > She's learned to learn when to speak
> > Walks with a whisper in her spine
> > at the base of her skull
> > A golden nut of questions
> > she pretends someone asks
> > because she's important
> > Her chin goes up
> >
> >      Mrs. McGhee how do you feel
> >      about this
> >      What do you think
> >      about that
> >      And your opinion is
> >      Mrs. McGhee
> >      very important
> >
> >      What do you want
> >      What should be done
> >      When may I speak with you again
> >      Mrs. McGhee Why did you do it
> >      Marla really
> >      May I call you Marla Mae
> >      Marla Mae Marla Mae
> >      Where is his sorry ass now
> >      Marla really
> >      What has happened to his skin
> >      and the bones that were within
> >      What has happened to his body
> >      and his bad ass
> >
> > Now she walks
> > in a sweat on concrete haze
> > to her new friends house
> > for tea and a bite not a bit
> > afraid no not a damn bit
> >
> > A dirty boy whose pants
> > noose around his knees asks
> > You ok lady Need some help
> > It takes her a moment
> > to figure out if the words
> > came from his pierced lips
> > or from the back of her head
> > before she responds
> > with a question of her own
> > What the hell do you care
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > Cheerwell, Mary :O)
> >
> > =====
> > Good Cheer & Be Well,
> > Maryann Hazen-Stearns
> > "Under The Limbo Stick"
> > http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
> > also available at these locations:
> > http://www.vivisphere.com  http://www.amazon.com
> >
> > __________________________________________________
> > Do You Yahoo!?
> > NEW from Yahoo! GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just
> $8.95/month.
> > http://geocities.yahoo.com/ps/info1
> >


=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen-Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick"
http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
also available at these locations:
http://www.vivisphere.com  http://www.amazon.com

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