Hi Marla and Christina,

wow! I loved this. It's like a huge list of the things I've always thought 
on trains, planes, at the dentist, in Wal Mart, everywhere. I've always 
thought I was a bit strange, but at least I now know I'm not alone. cheers! 
Some nits.


Wild Thoughts At The First National Bank  ££ Now I know someone else has 
them, I'm not sure if they are wild. Maybe just speculative?

The line snakes back and forth upon itself.
££ I kind of like the snakes bit and the zig zag because snakes have zig 
zag patterns, but they don't move like that, do they? Snakes undulate 
whereas zig zag makes me think angle. How about "The line zigs back on 
itself, little by little people zag ..."
Little by little people zig-zag
to the opening at the end.
A vacant-eyed woman yells, Next!
I can help the next person!
££ wondered about just "I can help" Sounds a little more universal. they 
could help with more than your bank balance?

Marla clutches her purse
between ribs and arm,
watches each person in turn,
wonders if they've dishes
left unwashed in the sink.
££ Love it.

She suspects the woman
huddled in the baggy gray sweater
owns a shedding dog
and barely suppresses the urge
to pick at hundreds of black hairs
covering the woman's sleeve.
Marla wants to gag. ££ I got the feeling that if Marla was the kind to gag, 
she wouldn't be drawn to the hairs. Now, me ....

She wonders if their families
pray together before dinner
or at bedtime for the lost, ££ "for the lost" seems to be in the wrong 
place but I've no idea where the right place is!
if their curtains are white,
if they have mice in the attic,
if the mice have been caught in traps,
if the traps have been emptied
or if the tiny bodies grow stiff
waiting in the dark,
heads cocked unnaturally
under the rodent's severe version
of limbo-stick. ££ I love the mice. Just love them.

She thinks the man
in the wrinkled blue shirt looks unkempt,
imagines his small empty bed,
gray sheets rumpled,
shades drawn regardless of day or night,
snack wrappers strewn on floor,
dirty clothes piled in corner.
The thought disgusts her.  ££ this is where me and Marla depart. I'd be too 
ingrigued to be disgusted at that point. I'd be looking for tidemarks on 
his neck and wondering whether he has a lover. Said I was strange :O

Marla watches the next woman in line.
The woman looks familiar.
She's seen her before,
around, and then it's the woman's turn  ££ too many "woman"s
and Marla's eyes follow her as she approaches
the Next! properly dressed teller. ££ nice.
The lady lays down her paperwork,
slides it toward the other woman
who takes it and asks,
Are you Thelma? Is this you?
Do you have an account with us?
Yes, the woman replies, of course.
I wouldn't have come here if I didn't.

Marla smiles to herself
and wonders why tellers
ask such inane questions.
She feels a kindred connection
to this Thelma; if they ever met properly,
they might even become friends.
££ Nice.

Friends. As if Marla would consider
friendship! An invasion into her life
offering coffee, cookies and companionship!
Someone dropping by unexpectedly. Oh no
that would never do. Oh no.
Never do.
££ I'd lose this entire stanza.

She unconsciously shakes her head,
drops her eyes to the floor
and waits for the snake
to expel her toward
the Next! available teller.
££ I think this last one could be dropped or reworked.

Thanks for the read.

Bunny
"Sometimes a poem about a fish is just that - a poem about a fish."