Yes, the usually must go and agree there should be a trim. I'm hatching ways
and might re-post. Thanks Christina.
bw
James
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: I've Never Offered A Glass Of Water
>Date: Sun, 9 Sep 2001 17:53:59 +0100
>
>Like this, James, but could it do with a little trimming? Usually twice in
>the same sentence? Perhaps no need for 'I've reflected on this'? I wonder
>how much it could be cut back without changing the clout of the story?
>bw
>c
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2001 3:24 PM
>Subject: New sub: I've Never Offered A Glass Of Water
>
>
> > This is based on things to do with the day job. It's a first draft and
>I'd
> > appreciate responses.
> >
> > I'VE NEVER OFFERED A GLASS OF WATER
> >
> > Usually when I ask him
> > if he wants a cup of tea
> > he usually says no, he's alright -
> > same if it's a soft drink.
> > I've never tried to offer a glass of water.
> > You'd think somebody who
> > looks as half-starved as him
> > would be glad of the gift
> > of a digestive biscuit
> > and something to drink.
> > But no, not so.
> > I've reflected on this,
> > decided it's a culture thing
> > that has alrrady decided it's a sin
> > to accept anything -
> > not from pride, but because
> > you'd be tainted
> > be getting into bed with
> > those official bastards
> > with cosy holes to climb into
> > and from - even if this one
> > seems an alright kind of a guy.
> > You can almost hear the informal
> > tutoring voice of warning, forming
> > the idea, declaring how things are
> > should be, saying: "just watch these cunts,
> > take nothing that stinks of kindness
> > or they'll have you where they want you,
> > grateful, willing to do anything
> > they want". A hesitation to step
> > from the accepted holds him.
> >
> > Next time I'll offer a glass of water.
> > Knowing we all need it he might want it
> > to slake his thirst for other things
> > on this part of his journey
> > that he tentatively shares with mine.
> >
> > James Bell
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> >
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