Like this, James, but could it do with a little trimming?  Usually twice in
the same sentence?  Perhaps no need for 'I've reflected on this'?  I wonder
how much it could be cut back without changing the clout of the story?
bw
c
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2001 3:24 PM
Subject: New sub: I've Never Offered A Glass Of Water


> This is based on things to do with the day job. It's a first draft and I'd
> appreciate responses.
>
> I'VE NEVER OFFERED A GLASS OF WATER
>
> Usually when I ask him
> if he wants a cup of tea
> he usually says no, he's alright -
> same if it's a soft drink.
> I've never tried to offer a glass of water.
> You'd think somebody who
> looks as half-starved as him
> would be glad of the gift
> of a digestive biscuit
> and something to drink.
> But no, not so.
> I've reflected on this,
> decided it's a culture thing
> that has alrrady decided it's a sin
> to accept anything -
> not from pride, but because
> you'd be tainted
> be getting into bed with
> those official bastards
> with cosy holes to climb into
> and from - even if this one
> seems an alright kind of a guy.
> You can almost hear the informal
> tutoring voice of warning, forming
> the idea, declaring how things are
> should be, saying: "just watch these cunts,
> take nothing that stinks of kindness
> or they'll have you where they want you,
> grateful, willing to do anything
> they want". A hesitation to step
> from the accepted holds him.
>
> Next time I'll offer a glass of water.
> Knowing we all need it he might want it
> to slake his thirst for other things
> on this part of his journey
> that he tentatively shares with mine.
>
> James Bell
>
> bw
> James
>
>
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