Dear Steve,
This is a lovely, rich, evocative poem. I must confess
that I found that the layout made it a bit hard to read, as I'm accustomed
to seeing a one line gap as a stanza break, and most poems on the list
follow this convention.I suppose I prefer 'compact' stanzas.
I don't think the poem needs any intro, and certainly you shouldn't tell
your readers about an intended metaphor, but a footnote on the Bishop's
Terrier would be a good thing, as it's quite obscure. As for a re-write in
couplets, I really don't think so,- the poem has already found its shape.
Like everyone else, I think the piece is let down by its current
ending. I've noticed in some of your work that you seem somehow to lose
faith in the fact that the poem carries its own meaning, and feel it
necessary to underline it at the end.
All this needs is a better, more subtle, closing line, and the whole thing
will be stunning.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
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