Cara, I haven't seen this so I'm using Ryfkah's email to comment and I'm not
sure that the layout is as it should be.
I like the idea behind this and it works well enough for a light poem about
a familiar situation but I've a feeling that you could do more with it,
either by cutting back or by making the characters more convincing.  They
don't really come to life for me. I'm not sure whether that's important or
not.
bw
c


> << --                'Perchance...'
>
>
>   The hostel is taut with dreams
>
>   and the outside world broods.
>
>
>   Aaron dreams that Louise
>
>   rides pillion on a Harley Davison,
>
>   encircles him with fleshless arms,
>
>   whispers endearments
>
>   into the ears of his luminescent helmet. [drop luminescent?]
>
>
>   Louise dreams that she and Stephen
>
>   dance three-legged at the Summer Ball.
>
>   Her skimpy dress, a one-off by Tantiana,
>
>   dances with them.  Stephen's hands and breath
>
>   are fiery, though perfumed by Stein.
>
>
>   Stephen dreams that he and Sara
>
>   are skinny-dipping in the seas of Bali
>
>   and afterwards will wander up the golden sands
>
>   to feed the tarantulas
>
>   and some junior school kids in cages.
>
>
>   Sara's eyes are quite, quite still
>
>   as she lies in virgin, dreamless state.
>
>
>   Only LeeAnne and Martin dream of each other,
>
>   struggle through fire and brimstone, slaying  [I would find some other
> expression than fire and brimstone]
>
> dragons,
>
>   scaling heights, displacing storklets  [might not need this line]
>
>   to reach a weary, wobbly state of intimacy,
>
>   in a frayed bird's nest on an Aachen roof.
>
>
>   Outside
>
>   the thunder breaks, clashes and claps.  [i would end here]
>
>
>   The sleepers stir.
>
>
>   Later they will begin to dream again. >>
>