I like this, Cara - interesting pyschological profiles of both husband and
wife. I can picture this man patrolling the premises late at night,
vacuuming etc. but I'm a bit confused by it. Why is vaccuming not seen as
women's work, whilst washing up is? You imply the man has some kind of
military background, but I can't pick up the relevance of it.
And the last couple of lines confuse me even more. Is it dread that she's
shaking from or some kind of perverted thrill? I think it might just need a
tiny clue slipping in somewhere, to pull it all together. Either that, or
I'm just a bit numb and don't get what you're trying to say.
bw Laura
----- Original Message -----
From: cara may <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, August 31, 2001 6:53 PM
Subject: New Sub for c and c: Family Man
> First draft. Your comments most welcome.I had
> another couple of stanzas but thought maybe this was
> enough. Thanks. cara.
>
>
> Family Man
>
>
>
> He never pushed a pram
> nor changed a diaper;
> thought dusting, washing up
> were finicky or female;
> did not scarify the lawn
> nor mulch the flower-beds
> (needed to keep his writing hands
> smooth and undamaged - so he said).
>
> Yet weekly our furniture would become
> an obstacle course
> for his bold manoeuvres
> as he thrust the vacuum cleaner
> into alien corners
> disrupted jigsaws, derailed story plots,
> delayed toy constructions,
> while I, his adjutant,
> searched out trapped flex,
> disengaged its knots,
> unplugged, replugged his weaponry.
>
> Then he would attack the debris
> in the household's drains
> while I stood, bored sentinel,
> to turn taps on and off as he required.
>
> At night he, alone, checked our perimeters.
>
> We slept secure.
>
> Sometimes,
> before the medics found the proper dose,
> without apparent benefit of aura,
> he would fall down,
> become one racking tremor.
>
> I stood by
> for me it was the earth that shook.
>
>
>
> cara august 2001
>
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