Hi Maryann
I think you're right about this piece not "carrying enough weight"
I think the reason is the rhyme. There's a deep feeling in this poem that
his kept caged up and hidden by the need to rhyme. Try it without - it might
help to bring out that suppressed passion.
Mick
----- Original Message -----
From: "Maryann Hazen-Stearns" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, August 31, 2001 4:07 PM
Subject: Scorcher


Hi folks,

I've been rummaging around in some old folders getting ready for my book
signing in a couple of weeks. I found this and was hoping to get a little
C&C on it. Wondering what everyones take would be, it's undergone numerous
changes, should I just scrap it? I don't really think it carries much
weight, if you know what I mean.

~*~

Scorcher

Man it's a scorcher.
Like touching finger tips
to fire lips.
I taste your salty skin
and drink your sweet heart thin.

Man you're a teaser.
Like fish net stockings tie
my burning thighs.
These lonely eyes will bleed
my warm and willing need.

And now you're back again.
My secret love, this game,
your eager flame.
My fingers crack the stone
that wakes at night alone.

Man it's a scorcher.
Like evil burning heaven down.
Like fever in a jungle rain.
You force these teeth to clench
your dark and drenching name.
And so I'm back again.
My secret love, my very eager friend.

~*~

CW, Mary :O)

=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen-Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick"
http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
also available at these locations:
http://www.vivisphere.com  http://www.amazon.com

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get email alerts & NEW webcam video instant messaging with Yahoo! Messenger
http://im.yahoo.com