Hi David,
Yeh, I agree with James Bell. Y seem to have all the aspirations a
traditionally formed sonnet needs: with such a predictable rhyme pattern and
pentameters that play iambic sound games from the start – except with the
sounds of “insectile” and “polemics” that is. They’re two very complex sound
patterns in a poem that is playing with the simple rhythms a humorous poem
needs. Because you’re using such strong rhymes (and simple clear words
elsewhere) it could be that the whole line may need re-working, may need new
words (or a new concept) from the start.
Poems that have clear more-than-one-syllable rhymes at the ends of lines
always seem to entertain before they do anything else – and you have plenty
of them (academics/polemics, ento-mology/bumblebee, tell her/feller, Hel-en
cried/inside). I also found I wasn't able to predict the rhyme that was to
come either.
It’s rare to see a form that’s valuable for exploring relationships (and
also for using complex accretions of details) also work with such blatant
humour at its end. Sonnets usually get warm smiles – but this one made
really made me grin!
If you live in the UK there’s a neat new little Faber book (called, I think,
101 Sonnets, edited by Don Paterson) that shows how else the form’s been
used – but rarely with such gleeful fun. His essay introducing the book is
clearly written, up to date, and well worth a glance as well.
Bob


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