In a message dated 8/15/01 4:53:08 PM, [log in to unmask] writes:

<< ~~~~~~~~~~
Fourteen Day Orbit
~~~~~~~~~
this moon is a small thing
like an embryonic planet  [actually did come out of our planet]
chaotic volatility barely contained
beneath a misleading veneer of calmness

orbiting for twelve days of the cycle
a benign sun     [here sun is benign]
of warm nurture fostering stability
growth
evolution


     will you play with me
     can I have a friend to stay
     I want to make a sculpture like yours
     look at what I've built
     cuddle me to sleep please

for two days of the cycle
an irresistible orbit change
to circle closely in the dying red heat
of a star of malevolence  [here sun is a star of malevolence]

choking fumes and vapour
oppressive brooding humidity
searing in angry radiation
baking exposed surfaces dry
cracked
stunted

     daddy buys me spy toys and guns
     it is a secret and I won't tell you
     you're the reason I can't see daddy more
     why don't you get a proper job
     daddy's going to get you

a fourteen day orbit
twelve plus two

irresistible forces
hold a small moon planet
in captive orbits >>

I like the threaded poem;  I think you could whittle down some of the moon
parts, some repetition of message.  I think the poem is very refreshing in
its writing.

kol tuv, Ryfkah