Hi Sally,
Thanks for the comment. Yes, the Colin Will does put things into some
perspective and yes see what you mean about the last line of this piece.
Now, how do I make music out of onions? Maybe that's the line.
bw
James
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: The Peeling Of Onions
>Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 22:56:06 +0000
>
>on 20/12/01 1:19 pm, James Bell at [log in to unmask] wrote:
>
> > Another of those depressing poems. Thanks to all for response to
>"Unreal".
> > This is in the same sequence.
> >
> > THE PEELING OF ONIONS
> >
> > It's been days
> > and the loveliness of music
> > has not reached me again
> >
> > The ears hear
> > though some malfunction in the system
> > does not feel - only aches
> >
> > inside a generalised sadness
> > a dullness not even affected
> > by the peling of onions
> >
> > layer by layer
> > until there is only
> > scattered shards of vegetable
> >
> > divested of physical
> > use for metaphor
> > now ready to be cooked and eaten
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
>Hi James,
>I like this but not quite so much as Unreal. I'm doubtful about the last
>line of this, but can't wuite see what's wrong with it. I think 'cooked and
>eaten' is too much of a change of tone and direction. the beginning isvery
>nice, could you perhpas go back to a mention of music to round off the
>poem,
>instead of the last line which I can't help feeling is a cop-out.
>
>I do hope you are feeling better and don't worry, a lot of us have been
>depressed it's all part of a long life once you are over it. I'm not just
>saying "I've been sad myself" as in Colin Will's (scots accent) spoof of a
>counsellor. I can't resist quoting it:
>
>from WONDERFUL, COUNSELLOR
>by Colin Will (diehard).
>
>yes, I know about depression,
>I've been sad myself,
>and as for drinking, well,
>I've sunk a glass or two
>in my time, once or twice,
>I think it was twice.
>
>Wife left you for another man?
>How awful, I've seen that on the soaps.
>Miscarriage? There, there,there's time,
>you're young yet, and quite attractive.
>Fallen for a fella?
>Heavens, must be hard, Henry,
>but these things happen,
>so I've read.
>
>If that doesn't cheer you up email me and tell me off, because that might.
>bw Sally-ee.
>
>
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at
>http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.
>Hi James, this is another interesting poem, but I think I liiekd Unreal
>better. I'm not keen on the last line of this one but I can't see quite
>what it is that's wrong if anything.
bw
James
_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com
|