But the second 'among' line four
is a bit of a problem as the rhythm is the opposite of the among in line
two, and one wants to begin the line more simply...well, perhaps you didn't
intend such a marked di dah di dahdi rhythm.
Sally-e, I see your point, I concentrate on image to the degree rhythm takes
a back seat. A revision:
Li Po Came to Call
The willows are bare. Iris rots
with marsh weeds and empty nests.
The wine is finished. I sleep
among paper scraps and vacant thought.
Tomorrow I will build a fire
with old letters and new poems.
Today wind and rain shreds the nests.
I sleep off sour wine and bitter words.
The ladder lies where it and I fell.
Thanks.
Gary
December Carole (Janis) at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/janice.html,
Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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