--Bob, Thank you for taking so much time and
troubleover your reply. I think you have identified
the problems with the poem and its language and
reinforced some of my own reservations about it.
cheers, cara.

- Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >
Hi Cara,
> Sorry I’ve not been able to get to write this for a
> few days... but, at last
> I’m able to join in the discussion.
> Poems that tell a story, that follow a narrative we
> feel we want to believe
> actually happened, are fascinating mixtures of “show
> me things” and “tell me
> things.” And, when the narrator is also distant from
> the writer (in this
> case because years and years are implied between the
> experience and the
> poem), that creates it’s own issues of perception
> and disclosure too.
> Could it be, therefore, that the last 5-line-stanza
> (the one beginning “I
> wanted...”) might work better in the present tense?
> But then the whole poem
> gets into a four-year-olds perception and so the way
> we’re told about the
> older sister may have to change as well...  It might
> be possible, though, to
> show the older sister’s tone and demeanour from the
> perspective of someone
> half their size and age (in stanza four).
> I’m also fascinated by the word “cleave” in the
> first stanza... because it’s
> such an old word and, because of that, it implies a
> great distancing effect
> to me... It seems to be neither a child’s word, nor
> a contemporary adult’s
> word, nor even an adult’s word from a few years ago.
> (And does it mean you
> stay close to (the back step), or you’re separated
> from (the back step)? Or
> both?).
> I guess I’m, therefore, pushing the poem back into
> the world of a
> four-year-old and wanting the reader to glimpse more
> and be told less.
> Bob
>
>
>
> >From: cara may <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works
> <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: New Sub: Siblings
> >Date: Thu, 13 Dec 2001 15:41:45 +0000
> >
>
>
>
_________________________________________________________________
> Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at
http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Everything you'll ever need on one web page
from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts
http://uk.my.yahoo.com