Cara, catching up on old mail. Good work though I have some suggestions:
Your absence is that you do not wish to stay (for vs that?)
not the vapour trail that fluffs the sky (not is a speed bump which takes me
out of the read)
then feathers into pale illusion.
Your absence is the look that ripples in your face (no is)
over the grilled goats' cheese and chardonnay (no the)
when inwardly you surf the foam or track the bush. (no first the)
Your absence is not my absence you say:
you carry me in your heart,engage in constant convers- (break at heart)
ation
in which letters, e-mails, post-cards are mere punctu- (correspdence for a
smoother feel and break before are)
ation
But still I say: your absence is...
Thanks.
Gary
December Carole (Janis) at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/janice.html,
Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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