Frank, a vivid picture.  I endorse the suggestion of
'serves' for 'substitutes'.  I think there are one or
two words or phrases that could beneficially be
excised.  See below if you care to. cheers and thanks,
cara

 --- Frank Faust <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > the
wavelets are breaking with a following wind
> over the shallow field of rocks
> that substitutes for a beach at williamstown
> they break at speed      leaping white     into the
> air
> like a school of small fish surrounded by predators
> fleeing terrified from the water element     into
> air
> (Just omit 'from the water element')
> elsewhere a rippling of the water suggests     hints
> the presence of a large fish     perhaps a skate or
  (omit 'the presence of')
> ray
> the impression is of shallows life
> but this too is illusion     merely a flat rock
  (You already have 'impression' so 'this too is
illusion' seems dispensable)
> disturbing tide flow
>
> so typical of the pretentious willy town    place of
> shallows
> and lies
> (omit 'and lies' 'nuff said)~
>
> Frank
>
> The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
> http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>
>
>
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