Hi there Ryfkah**,
Yes, I think you're right about the title and many of the suggestions
you've given me will be used in the revision. You're a sweetie! Thanks for
the help...as always. :)
Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- Ryfkah * <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> In a message dated 8/10/01 12:02:02 PM, [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> << My Son, The Voyager [Maybe don't need My Son, just The
> Voyager...kind of
> interesting to have him revealed late in the poem]
>
> He is in his mind
>
> A phantasmal traveler of thought processes
> which only he thinks he knows [kind of wordy line - see if ideas can be
> concised - you already said He is in his mind]
> My psychotic gypsy prolific [great sound here]
> in profound communication with himself
>
> He sits in his rocker
> both passenger and engineer
> riding the sleek engine of his mind
>
> He migrates to the ledge of subconscious
> edge of perception engulfed
>
> He rocks
>
> rocks
>
> rocks
>
> My son is out of the ordinary
>
> He is not out of his mind [the reader has this figured out; maybe
> doesn't
> need to be said]
> He is whirling in wanderlust within it [Ilike the alliteration here]
> >>
>
> kol tuv, Ryfkah
=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen-Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick"
http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
also available at these locations:
http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
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