I was the candle
you were the flame
You burned me out
caused me much pain
I was the smoke
that perfumed the air
You were the reason
that I lingered there.
I was the poem
the breath of your life
You were the husband
I was the wife.
Sally, I like but have a couple of thoughts. Perhaps - You burned me out -
You burned our love/to cause much pain - though you might see it different.
I see the end of the last S weaker than the first 2, but it is perhaps the
right wrap-up for this kind of work.
Thanks.
Gary
November with Janet from Oz at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/homestead.html,
Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
|