Not nearly as good at the Paul Roche, I actually had something similar
published.
Gary
who hopes this has not been posted here before, but he forgets such things
*
Letter Found in a First Edition
of Leaves of Grass
Mr. Whitman:
The Board of Directors
of the First National Bank
of Emerson have instructed
me to inform you
that unless you deposit
five hundred lines
of Standard Poetry
within five days of receipt
of this letter, we will
have no choice but to close
your accounts with our institution.
Said deposit must conform
to the proper meter and rhyme
as outlined in the Specie Act
of 1869. Free verse
or other forms found
in socialist or heathen nations
may be discounted
up to ninety percent,
depending on their variation
from the Sonnet Benchmark of 1803
as determined by our Board
of Standards. All deposits
will be reviewed by the Bureau
of Moral Certitude
and if found obscene,
reported to the proper
civil authorities for potential prosecution.
(Irish limericks are exempted
by the O'Leary Amendment of 1972.)
Sir, if I may continue
on a more personal note,
I admire your work as a journalist.
Your investigation of Mr. Gould's
attempts to corner the market
of ghazals and pantoums
was excellent work
and much admired among
my colleagues.
Therefore, let me suggest
you avail yourself of a good school.
Longfellow's College of Ballads
or the New Rochelle Institute
of Verse are highly recommended
and government certified.
In addition, I have taken the liberty
of enclosing the card
for a private tutor, E. Dickinson,
whose fees may be more in line
with your current financial condition.
Yours truly,
S. V. Benet.
(From a note attached to the letter:
Really, Benet, you must be tough
with these rapscallions. Despite
every warning, they continue
to pollute American verse
with their scribbling. Please
remember, the French did not
control the so called impressionists
and their nation's financial condition
is now in a state of utter shambles. - AB)
November with Janet from Oz at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/homestead.html,
Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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