Ryfkah:
I like this piece; it brings me back to my own girlhood longings, playing,
and so forth.  A few comments and questions to follow within text.
Terrie

> Ave Maria
>
> Ave Maria--->do you want to repeat this line to close to the title which
is the same?
> yo yo Mary--->perhaps a comma after the first "yo", so that we don't think
it's that spinning toy with a string--or is that your intention?
> blurts my girlfriend at the back door
> We zoom to front stoop
> to daydream of children yet to be
>     I desire daughters
>     she wants sons
> We make believe elaborate plays
> with Chinese settings and bicycles
> as horses  We wander the world
>
> I scavenger hunt for meaning
> My daughters make our holiday dinner
> kiss away my anguish
> dreams shattered as porcelain shards
>
> Ave Maria--->here the poem shifts to commentary.  The tone is different,
and IMHO, seems like a separate poem, although it's linked
> Shalom Miriam--->I like how you "translate" this.  It would make for a
great refrain:  naming the Mothers...
> child of the sea--->this section is exquisite (on down through the stanza)
> earth's salt
> cell of ambiguity
> organ of possibility
> actualizing organism
>
> I lay teffilin like Rashi's daughters---I relate to lineage poems,
especially those which connect "us all"
> place my hand over my heart
> pledge allegiance to myself--->nice allusion/revision of the "traditional"
pledge
> to G'd
> to the posterity of humankind
>
> Ryfkah 11/23/01