I find this fresh and vivid, Ian. if you have the
time I've put osme thoughts in the text. thanks and
cheers, cara--- Ian F <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> The Interrogation
>
> She’s seven, just.
> I squirm as she interrogates:
> she catches a hint of untruth and;(comma)
> ruthless;(comma)
> she digs at it as a dog would a tick.(insert'for'
before 'a tick')
>
> Cold water, drip, drip, drip
> relentless, catches me sleeping:
> I almost answer with the truth;
> but check;
> she flows as Escher’s liquid continuum.
> (do you really need the word'continuum'? Could
you use 'does'?)
> Roots as a boar for truffles(insert 'does' before
'for')
> almost finds her goal:(Perhaps you could use the
word 'food'. 'Goal' is a bit obvious/boring)
> I’m forced to move with stealth;
> waiting;
> she sniffs, blood in the water.
>
> Next year she’ll know,
> all innocence gone, truth out.
> will she keep the charade, tell the tale?
> She will,
> as we all have been taught for the sake of others.
>
(end with:
'as we all have been taught to do
for the others' sake.')
> cheers cara
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