Warning

This  may be regarded as being an unwarranted attack
on something(s) that others hold dear.  Please do
not read if you are not in the mood for (my attempt
at) satire.

I claim the usual disclaimer: the characters and
institutions portrayed are wholly fictional; any
likenesses to living persons or organisations are
completely accidental.





--                  Rite


     The desks have been laid out
     in the spacious hall
     by the white-gloved attendants.
     Measurements have been taken
     to ensure that each
     is at the statutory distance
     from its neighbours.

     In thirty seconds the candidates
     will swing through the glass doors, file
     to their seats, turn over their papers.

     In the interests
     of objectivity
     and the needs of the nation
     we have abandoned
     the extended reasonings of essays.

     Instead we present our system
     of multiple synonym choices.

     The highest honours
     and subsequent official placements
     will go to those
     who make the swiftest selections
     within the given parameters.

     Ticks must be placed in the appropriate circles.

     We regret that we must exact penalties
     for any other insertions, amendments,
     uses of initiative or imagination.

     It is of immeasurable importance
     that entrants ensure
     that their LEFT thumb-print is placed
     in the box that is to be found
     in the top RIGHT hand corner
     of their answer books.

     'Your time starts now...'


cara                           November 2001

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