Hi Cara, this is superb. The title is a bit naff though - it works too
hard - sets false trails and generally  betokens an author uneasy with her
creation. For me the poem already IS sufficient. No need for signposts
(especially when the Sons of Glendower have turned the damn things round to
face the wrong direction). 'Kathie' is enough for me.

I can understand your difficulty with layout - as the poem uses an apparent
prose. An erstwhile contributor to the Works (when we were still on
ListBot), a British poet called 'affharold', was/is something of an expert
in this style. And I've written some myself. The solution he and I arrived
at independantly was to use column width and forced justification to give
'order' to the text.

Clearly it's not available to us using ASCII text here, and I can mail you
an attachment direct if needed for illustration, but I think it might work
if you use your current 'of childhood - did not tread on the joins' as
column width, and justify the text. That will I believe yield the following
breaks:
--
      Once she was secure in the mystique
      of childhood - did not tread on the joins
      between paving stones in case she
      should conjure up demons.

                        Now she lives in a suburb of
      tarmac footpaths - cannot fathom the
      rules of engagement.


Forcing your stanza two first line further right will I think give:

--
      Once she was secure in the mystique
      of childhood - did not tread on the joins
      between paving stones in case she
      should conjure up demons.

                            Now she lives in a suburb
      of tarmac footpaths - cannot fathom
      the rules of engagement.


(I have also reduced the gap between stanzas here to suggest
'paragraphing'). Dunno... give it a try and see what you think.

Best wishes, John




----- Original Message -----
From: "cara may" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: 12 November 2001 18:22
Subject: new sub for c and c :Kathie and the New World Order


I wrote this yesterday. Today I feel silenced as
before. My sympathy to Works contributors in USA.

The line breaks in this seemed quite problematical.
Another version makes the lines much shorter.
Thanks in anticipation for crits. cheers, cara



--          Kathie and the New World Order



      Once she was secure in the mystique
      of childhood - did not tread on the joins
      between paving stones in case she should
      conjure up demons.


                        Now she lives in a suburb
      of tarmac footpaths - cannot fathom
      the rules of engagement.


                              cara november 2001

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