Thank you, Grasshopper.
I see what you mean. I didn't even notice the repeat of "indigo". Oops.
I was wondering, however, what , besides the comments here, did you garner
from the poem? Perhaps I'm wondering what you wanted to like? Was it the
literary references? The tone? The "idea"? I think comments along those
lines would assist me in my revision process.
Thank you!
Terrie
----- Original Message -----
From: "grasshopper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2001 8:57 AM
Subject: Re: poetry sub for C&C
> Dear Terrie,
> I find myself wanting to like this poem, but being put off
by
> the uncertainties in it, which may come from me, rather than from the
piece.
> For a start I found the sequence of colours very difficult to
understand-the
> red, then amber ,then dark blues, then scarlet--didn't seem right, if it's
a
> description of a sunset.
> In the second stanza, perhaps another adjective ,rather
than
> repeating 'indigo' ?
> In the final stanza. I felt that 'distraught' pulled
against
> the final word 'still' so much that it broke the verse apart. For me,
> distraught suggests nervous energy,(echoed by the resonance of 'tangled')
> which are totally opposed to the idea of stillness or repose.
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "tlrelf" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Friday, November 09, 2001 3:40 PM
> Subject: poetry sub for C&C
>
> Greetings Gang:
> I was working on something for a contest, and while this doesn't meet
their
> specifications, I thought it had possibilities. C&C welcome. I
definitely
> need a new title!
> Terrie
>
> On the Porch At Sunset
> by
> Terrie Relf
>
> crimson
> a splash of red
> thin strokes of amber then
> a wash of indigo, blue gray
> Scarlet
>
> woman
> in an old book
> read again as the moon
> burgeons in an indigo night
> alone
>
> distraught
> like Ophelia
> sinking into the pond
> her hair tangled in a reed patch
> so still
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