Dear Terrie,
               I find myself wanting to like this poem, but being put off by
the uncertainties in it, which may come from me, rather than from the piece.
For a start I found the sequence of colours very difficult to understand-the
red, then amber ,then dark blues, then scarlet--didn't seem right, if it's a
description of a sunset.
                In the second stanza, perhaps another adjective ,rather than
repeating 'indigo' ?
                In the final stanza. I felt that 'distraught' pulled against
the final word 'still' so much that it broke the verse apart. For me,
distraught suggests nervous energy,(echoed by the resonance of 'tangled')
which are totally opposed to the idea of stillness or repose.
Kind regards,
            grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "tlrelf" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, November 09, 2001 3:40 PM
Subject: poetry sub for C&C

Greetings Gang:
I was working on something for a contest, and while this doesn't meet their
specifications, I thought it had possibilities.  C&C welcome.  I definitely
need a new title!
Terrie

On the Porch At Sunset
by
Terrie Relf

 crimson
 a splash of red
 thin strokes of amber then
 a wash of indigo, blue gray
 Scarlet

 woman
  in an old book
 read again as the moon
 burgeons in an indigo night
 alone

distraught
like Ophelia
sinking into the pond
her hair tangled in a reed patch
so still