Hi there Cara,
What excellent suggestions! Thank you very much, I will definitely
incorporate them into the poem. :)
Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- cara may <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Maryann, this poem sends powerful messages to my
> imagination: I am not at all sure that I understand it
> as you meant but that doesn't matter all that much to
> me. It has a threatening or eerie quality that seems
> to be increased by undertone similarities to Lewis
> Carroll(I hope I'm not misattributing) 'to sea in a
> runcible spoon etc'.I mean the sort of contrast of
> humour highlights the threatening nature. I wonder if
> 'gestation' might be preferable to 'menstruation'.
> the last four lines might read:
> 'in nuclear gestation
> beneath the moon ('beneath' sounds softer to me)
> as the gods of the good
> embrace their day ('embrace'cuts down on 'g'
> sounds)_
> But I may be totally out of touch with your purpose
> here. If not I hope this helps
> Thanks, cheers, cara
>
>
>
> --- Maryann Hazen-Stearns <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > Hi there,
> >
> > Here's another new one, incorporating Gary's 4-word
> > suggestion: Love,
> > Soul, Moon, Verve, and Spoon.
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > Metempsychosis
> >
> > A man lives under his ribs
> > A woman beneath lachrymose lids
> > A child in the thrall of blood
> > from the heart of love
> > and he hungers for more he
> > hungers
> >
> > They crawl over borders
> > Thrive on the spine
> > Drown in the bowl of the spoon
> > of gregarious Gods
> > They survive
> >
> > Survive on the verve of virtuous souls
> > in crimson robes and the toll
> > shall be paid as they pass
> >
> > Shall be paid by the man who lives in his ribs
> > or the woman beneath lachrymose lids
> > but best by the palingenetic child
> > in the surge of a world
> > in nuclear menstruation
> > under the moon
> > and the Gods of the good
> > greet their day
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > Cheerwell, Mary :O)
> >
> >
> > =====
> > Good Cheer & Be Well,
> > Maryann Hazen-Stearns
> > "Under The Limbo Stick"
> > http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
> > also available at these locations:
> > http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
> >
> > __________________________________________________
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=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen-Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick"
http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
also available at these locations:
http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Find a job, post your resume.
http://careers.yahoo.com
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