Dear Marilyn,
Welcome to the list. It is always good to see a new voice.
I enjoyed the poem very much and thought much of the imagery very vivid.
Personally, I would have liked a little more narrative clarity as at times I
wasn't sure exactly what was happening. Also, I wonder if longer sentences
wouldn't be better in the final stanza, to differentiate it from the
breathless rush of the previous stanzas.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: Marilyn Injeyan
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Tuesday, August 07, 2001 5:49 AM
Subject: Closure
I'm new at Pennine. Thanks for reading my new poem.
Closure
Burnt air turns icy
At sixty-five, trunk lid lurches
up and down like a giant, metallic insect
Doors open, flail and shudder
past blur of steel, concrete
and flower-sculpted tiles
I white-knuckle steering wheel
Romanian Rhapsody rears from the speaker
Staccato gallops into timpani and cymbals
My heart rattles in its cage
Wind rages, whines, demands offerings -
hairbrush, lipstick, mocha scarf
Jeffersons and Hamiltons and at last
a purse filled with nothing
sucked into the vortex
Tempest sated, doors quietly close
I am a stranger in my own life
shake, taste cinders, know you are gone
The car slows down to synchromy
of waves, hums in tandem and stops
I fox trot on shore, footprints
in new patterns, at peace within
my rumpled world, eyes wrapped
around a seascape, study seam
of horizon - powder blue on silver, liaison
in time, wade in saltwater beginnings
Marilyn Injeyan
August 6, 2001
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