Maryann, this poem sends powerful messages to my
imagination: I am not at all sure that I understand it
as you meant but that doesn't matter all that much to
me. It has a threatening or eerie quality that seems
to be increased by undertone similarities to Lewis
Carroll(I hope I'm not misattributing) 'to sea in a
runcible spoon etc'.I mean the sort of contrast of
humour highlights the threatening nature. I wonder if
'gestation' might be preferable to 'menstruation'.
the last four lines might read:
'in nuclear gestation
beneath the moon ('beneath' sounds softer to me)
as the gods of the good
embrace their day ('embrace'cuts down on 'g'
sounds)_
But I may be totally out of touch with your purpose
here. If not I hope this helps
Thanks, cheers, cara
--- Maryann Hazen-Stearns <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi there,
>
> Here's another new one, incorporating Gary's 4-word
> suggestion: Love,
> Soul, Moon, Verve, and Spoon.
>
> ~*~
>
> Metempsychosis
>
> A man lives under his ribs
> A woman beneath lachrymose lids
> A child in the thrall of blood
> from the heart of love
> and he hungers for more he
> hungers
>
> They crawl over borders
> Thrive on the spine
> Drown in the bowl of the spoon
> of gregarious Gods
> They survive
>
> Survive on the verve of virtuous souls
> in crimson robes and the toll
> shall be paid as they pass
>
> Shall be paid by the man who lives in his ribs
> or the woman beneath lachrymose lids
> but best by the palingenetic child
> in the surge of a world
> in nuclear menstruation
> under the moon
> and the Gods of the good
> greet their day
>
> ~*~
>
> Cheerwell, Mary :O)
>
>
> =====
> Good Cheer & Be Well,
> Maryann Hazen-Stearns
> "Under The Limbo Stick"
> http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
> also available at these locations:
> http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Find a job, post your resume.
> http://careers.yahoo.com
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Everything you'll ever need on one web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts
http://uk.my.yahoo.com
|