Hi Ter,
Excellent stuff here, isn't it fun? I've think you've got your rhyme-lines
mixed up though. I hope you don't mind, but I copied your triolet and
revised a couple of lines (poorly, I might add!) to kind of demonstrate
the form. But you know how it goes, these suggestions are your to use or
loose as you see fit. It goes like this:
1. dream
2. wakened
3. seam
4. dream
5. steam
6. forsakened
7. dream
8. wakened
1. Serenaded within a dream
2. in vain I seek you among the wakened.
3. A drop of blood did seal our pact (a drop of blood did seal the seam?)
4. serenaded within a dream.
5. Such powers rose from this simple act; (Such powers rose from the
mystic steam?)
6. at last my fantasies are fact. (our fantasies forsakened?)
7. Serenaded within a dream
8. in vain I seek you among the wakened.
Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- tlrelf <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Incubus
>
> Serenaded within a dream
>
> in vain I seek you among the wakened.
>
> A drop of blood did seal our pact
>
> serenaded within a dream.
>
> Such powers rose from this simple act;
>
> at last my fantasies are fact.
>
> Serenaded within a dream
>
> in vain I seek you among the wakened.
>
>
>
>
=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen-Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick"
http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
also available at these locations:
http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
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