Many thanks, John.  I have printed your amendments out
for close consideration.cheers, cara

 --- John Carley <[log in to unmask]>
wrote: > This is excellent Cara, truly. Below I offer
three
> (I think) punctuation
> tweaks, change an article, drop a possessive case,
> and lose an entire word.
> Hope this helps as a comparative tool. John.
>
>
>
>                 SYLVIE'S NAN (ammended)
>
> --    She is not bothered now
>       by weight of memory, humiliation,
>       pain and possible disgrace.
>       She is not discomfited by
>       the names of former adversaries
>       or daunted by the high achievers
>       in her family.
>       She no longer thinks with pride
>       of her hard-saved money -
>       disposed in equities and bonds
>       with unmemorable pass-words
>       and complex conditions.
>       Her rows of clothes have shrunk
>       to the dimensions of
>       a nursing-home wardrobe.
>
>
>       She still takes pleasure in the gleam
>       of jewellery, softens her hands
>       at night to make a gentle home for her rings
>       before climbing
>       into her her straight and narrow bed,
>       finding some consolation
>       in the meek suckings and blowings
>       of her unknown
>       and perhaps unknowable room-mate.
>
>
>       More than anything she craves
>       familiarity; so, in the morning,
>       she will fight the care-assistant
>       for the right to wear
>       the same soiled dress
>       as she wore
>       today, yesterday,
>       and the day before.
>
>
>       Then, despite, or because of,
>       everything
>       she will smile her way
>       through the rest of the day.
>
>
>
> SYLVIE'S NAN (author's text)
>
> --    She is not bothered now
>       by weight of memory: humiliation,
>       pain and possible disgrace.
>       She is not discomfited by
>       the names of former adversaries
>       or daunted by the high achievers
>       in her family.
>       She no longer thinks with pride
>       of her hard-saved money
>       disposed in equities and bonds
>       with unmemorable pass-words
>       and complex conditions.
>       Her rows of clothes have shrunk
>       to the dimensions of
>       the nursing-home's wardrobe.
>
>
>       She still takes pleasure in the gleam
>       of jewellery, softens her hands
>       at night to make a gentle home for her rings
>       before climbing gratefully
>       into her her straight and narrow bed,
>       finding some consolation
>       in the meek suckings and blowings
>       of her unknown
>       and perhaps unknowable room-mate.
>
>
>       More than anything she craves
>       familiarity: so, in the morning,
>       she will fight the care-assistant
>       for the right to wear
>       the same soiled dress
>       as she wore
>       today, yesterday,
>       and the day before.
>
>
>       Then, despite, or because of,
>       everything
>       she will smile her way
>       through the rest of the day.
>
>
>
> cara           October 2001

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