It's all your troubles,
all your pain.
It's the early morning feeling,
the work in the middle of the night.
It's the irritation,
the anger,
It's the people you hate,
your addiction,
your broken heart,
the problems at home.
It's the careless unfairness of fate
Student, a vg beginning. Let me suggest a few things to take or leave as
you wish.
I see the poem working better with less It's as I have above. The repeating
works but to me seems to work better if limited to every other or third
line.
Watch consistency of punc.
If the rhyme, which seems random to me, this might work better and in places
seem less force. (lulls)
The long last line needs one if not two breaks.
Thanks and good luck.
Gary
October with Judy and Scio: Homepage:
http://gardawg.homestead.com/homestead.html,
Submissions: http://www.writershood.com/index.html
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
|