This a prose unit from a long work of mine which is in a medley or ragbag of
forms, styles, modes and occurences. It is not so much an analysis of the
memory process as a stylised enactment of it, I _think_. Anyhow, here it is,
italics omitted, but not punctuation:


    INSIDE

  I mean there I am - still shiverin - it was cold yknow - there I am an all
she wants to do is give me a lecture on literary criticism - I didnt like
that last page she says - it was too like what you did before - repeatin
yourself she says - Repeatin myself - ha - shes tellin me - thanks for the
critique Em I says - your welcome she says - Welcome - ha - so then she
starts examinin the room - I know its a bit of a mess but what the - I
dunno - I mean - how can I be expected - too much to do - I see things
havent changed for the better here she tells me - its my work I said - my
work - want to be careful she tells me - watch you dont get caught up in
that ghost machine - I can look after myself - Really she asks - lookin as
if she didnt know that - so why have you come here - I thought it was time
to get some sense out of her - for once I thought - To see you she purrs -
little girl act I thought - an I says - ok so now youve seen me - So why
have you come - I dont know - she says - I just wanted to see how you were -
How I am I tells her - Im not in the past tense - Well not for yourself she
laughs - so I got out of the way of that and asks her again why come here -
that got up her nose - Why do you want me to explain she goes - Because I
need to know - I stands firm - and then she goes again - Well Im not tellin
you - I hate explainins - Im not some character in your bloody book - she
says - thats what you think I thought - Ive a mind of my own - she claims -
Remember - not that Ive noticed I thought - then I changes tack an asks hows
Harry - ok she says an hes at her moms tonight for once shes lookin after
him an what a favour her mom thinks shes doin an then the story of her
shoppin an what the neighbours are doin or sayin or what she thinks theyre
sayin an God I think she aint half tedious an she really can sound paranoid
when then she says Why did you ask about Harry its not as if hes yours -
Just bein polite - I says - an anyway has she heard from his father - that
was a real mistake to make - so I gets chapter an verse about his stupid
antics an his pain in the arse of a family - no wonder we split up I thought
an I was just right then when I spots this bite - on her neck - I mean it
could have been a blemish but she never had one there an I know her skins
unusual but it wasnt it was a bite an I knew then what I already knew that
shed been seein others an it wasnt that I didnt know but it was seein there
before me an I cant get the memory out of my head an I wished we hadnt split
an I remembered I mean it all came back I mean it was us together I mean -
Yes - No - I mean there I am - Alone.
  And her stood before me in my home.

david bircumshaw