Hello, Nicol--I wonder if we're related. My Walshes (from Dublin) became
saloon keepers in New York--did yours?
I like the punchiness of your poem, with its schoolyard-chant--or, given
"Remembrance Day," school-assembly all-together-now--effect, and the
trade/off sequence seems especially strong. I'd cut "blowing in the wind"
and "where have all the flowers gone," though, as they're pretty trite by
now. In fact, a jump-cut straight from "Poppy petals" to "'Ban, 'Ban
Ta-Taliban" might be more dramatic. I also wonder about the last stanza as
explaining too much and too prosaically--for me, the poem goes soft and
loose there, made me wish it had ended at "Catch as may! Catch as can!" (or
with something else entirely).
Thanks for giving us a look-see at your work--Candice
> WTC Remembrance Day
>
> Twin peaks
> Widowspeak
> Widows' weeds
> Poppy seed.
> Legion heirs dis ease.
> Afghan need?
> Oil
> Seed
> Rape
> Of the women
> By the soldiers
> Of the land
> By the soldiers
> and the trade.
> And the trade? Off.
> And the trade off -
> Plutonium
> and
> Poppy petals
> blowing in the wind
>
> Where have all the flowers gone?
> Young men shot them every one
> No more heroes any more
> Freedom - pay-day!
>
> Freedom pay day.
>
> 'Ban 'Ban Ta-Taliban
> Catch as may! Catch as can!
> No ground zeroes any more
>
> Missiles with painted scowls
> Drop food
> and death
> onto the faceless poor
> to keep the refugees from fleeing.
> Operation freedom.
> Trade Cruises for heroins
> gas masked in our green and pleasant land
> set fair for war
> Cry 'god for Harry, England, and Saint George!
> Or just -
> cry.
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