Still mull over this a bit. Wot's right, wot's wrong, etc.
GHOST MACHINE SELF-ASSEMBLY KIT
INSTRUCTIONS
I
FUEL RECIPE
Take three quarts of paradox from your nearest pint-pot. Add essence of
dementia. Stir briskly and pepper with molecules. Allow to stand and wait
for imagination to rise. Knead two gross of nebulae into a malleable
pastry. Add one poppet of whatever-it-is, a broad sauce of parody and a
prime choice cut of indignant indigence. Stand well back and light fuse.
Never look directly at the sun.
II
CHASSIS ASSEMBLY
Retrieve bones from elephants graveyards. Collect rusting girders from
derelict factories. Connect elephant bones (A) to girders (B) using risible
appliance (enclosed). Next mount with the best available 'saurian fossil
(Triceratops recommended) and decorate with leaves torn from The World's
Classics. Test for balance and dynamics with an improbalometer (not
enclosed). Remember, you must not take it out onto the streets or to social
functions until you have obtained a proper licence.
III
POWERING UP
Once cooled, remove fuel from centre of crater. Apologize to your neighbours
for demolition of their homes. (Hope they renewed their insurance!) Next,
taking just a sufficient amount, in exactly the right place, never
elsewhere, pour in a quantity of fuel. When the red indicator flashes on,
scram. Beware of ephemera and stolid, wooden objects for the first five
minutes. If elephants persist, consult your local dealer.
IV
DRIVING YOUR MACHINE
Avoid right turns. Be considerate to other users, particularly the elderly
and bicyclists. Take care at junctions, there may be an unexpected
development. At all times be humane, remember, machines have feelings too.
Watch out for time-hoppers and avoid being caught in their slip-stream.
Regularly check your appearance in a mirror - in case of sudden change
immediately turn off your Ghost Machine. Do not run engine while standing
still as a personal morass might appear, particularly in the vicinity of a
carpet.
Best
Dave
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