Maybe.
It is odd that you bring up the word, "unmoored." Mooring was a word I was
thinking of all yesterday afternoon, and it was in relation to pharos and
omphalos. I'm going to have to sit with this.
Much thanks.
--Ak
At 03:41 PM 7/19/01, you wrote:
>Well, now wait a minute, this is trickier syntactically than I thought
>because of the special English usage of "to tie (up)" (boats) vs. "to
>un/tie" (string--by which you mean rope, yes?). I love the delicacy of
>"string," though, and the tenuous delicacy it adds to the quasi-willow plate
>effect of the whole design. You could keep "string" for its figurative
>value, though, if you used the more idiomatic "unmoored" in place of
>"untied" (keeping the semi--in that case). Would that work?
>
>
>
>on 7/19/01 3:20 PM, ANASTASIOS KOZAITIS at [log in to unmask]
>wrote:
>
> > Thank you, Candice.
> >
> > I think "Sweetheart" might be too southern. If I were down in New Orleans,
> > I'd consider "Please Don't Call Me Ishmael, Baby"! The poem is homage not
> > only to HM but to Hart Crane and his sonnet at Melville's Tomb. (Hence, the
> > sound chamber effects.)
> >
> > Your point is well taken. Are you asking what is "it" modifying? Yes, the
> > string untied 5,000 years ago, and it just let the boat slip off into the
> > tides. It's been years since. I thank you very much for your comment, and
> > I will attempt to tweak the poem a bit right there. Thanks.
> >
> > --Ak
> >
> > At 03:07 PM 7/19/01, you wrote:
> >> Some wonderful images here, Anastasios (the "stone/Box temple,"
> "midnight's
> >> stomach," "the bark tying jade dusk," etc.), but I'm even more taken with
> >> the sound effects you achieve and the way every word is pulling its
> >> weight--if only Melvi (oh never mind! economy wasn't his forte).
> >>
> >> The one place where I stumble is that semi-colon after string--I just
> don't
> >> understand the syntax there(?).
> >>
> >> Thanks for posting this--Candice
> >>
> >> P.S. If you wanted to go whole-hog-American with your title, you could
> call
> >> it "Please Don't Call Me Ishmael, Sweetheart"--?
> >>
> >>
> >>> Please Don't Call Me Ishmael
> >>>
> >>> Call me your cabin boy. Cavernous,
> >>> Unanchored aimless mausoleum--stone
> >>> Box temple, blood-and-pulse edifice
> >>> Where center crossword clues stand alone.
> >>>
> >>> Across by starboard, midnight's stomach veils
> >>> Celestial ways. Instruments calibrate
> >>> What may, a segue... Craps, the betting fails
> >>> The beast. Without a vig, the ship's weight
> >>>
> >>> Sinks a cemetery. Follow the fish
> >>> And stuff the captured carcass full to win
> >>> The booty. Pittance guts. The wakes forego
> >>> Geometry. Morning of the fetish
> >>> Returns the bark tying jade dusk back with thin
> >>> String; it untied five thousand years ago.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> --Anastasios Kozaitis
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