> All I know is that
> every major decision I've made in my life has been dictated by the
> necessity of facilitating the writing of poetry, because when I've made
> decisions that don't, I feel absolutely miserable. It's never felt like
> much of a choice to me. Ionesco talks about a "mental necessity". The
> why has always escaped me.
>
> I've sometimes thought of it as a kind of addiction.
This is an unfortunate happy truth that accords with my experience, and
'addiction' has the right associations of inner necessity and craving allied
to an external source, to what is without the self. It is a compulsion, but
not I think a drive pump-primed by heredity.
If I try to give up writing I give up being me.
The less attractive side to addiction can be pondered endlessly.
david b
----- Original Message -----
From: <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, January 17, 2001 10:54 PM
Subject: Re: unfashionable thought
> Chris wrote:
>
> >I've troubled over this. And the "almost" of my post reflects my
continuing
> >exploration of what that might mean. I believe that you're almost
certainly
> >right. But the implications are considerable. How should we then live?
And
> >that continues to be my torment. Does one choose or accept a vocation. In
my
> >naughty mechanistic terms I'd say it was genetic and I can't do anything
> >about the matter, other than comply if I am to have a chance of an
> >"authentic" life.
>
> The idea of vocation is hard to talk about without sounding all mystical
> and portentous, and that's not in the least accurate. (Although, to be
> honest, I found quite a lot that was illuminating in reading St John of
> the Cross, especially when he talks about language.) All I know is that
> every major decision I've made in my life has been dictated by the
> necessity of facilitating the writing of poetry, because when I've made
> decisions that don't, I feel absolutely miserable. It's never felt like
> much of a choice to me. Ionesco talks about a "mental necessity". The
> why has always escaped me.
>
> I've sometimes thought of it as a kind of addiction.
>
> How can you be wickedly mechanistic and yet talk about an "authentic"
> life?
> >
> >What times is it over there, by the way. You must be up very early!
>
> I _was_ up early - a small boy over-excited by the tooth fairy dragged me
> untimely from my sleep. I think there's about 12 hours difference.
>
> Best
>
> Alison
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