Yes, I was very untaken with that poem: no wit, no cut&thrust, simply
statement. If that statement had been set in (found) headlines, for
instance, or some other device, then the personal voice at the end would
have had something to either jump off or create a tension against. All
great art revolves around 'tension and release' IMHO, and this has no
tension verbally or intellectually, hence no release.
Sorry to be so negative, but my silence was irritating me.
Andrew
>> > Not Guilty
>> >
>> > god is a myth
>> > the bible is fiction
>> > religion is the means
>> > whereby men control
>> > the thoughts of other men
>> > and oppress women
>> >
>> > the church accumulates wealth
>> > and finances war
>> > encourages overpopulation
>> > to self sustain
>> >
>> > do not ask me to share
>> > your delusion
>> > your belief in your
>> > imaginary friend
>> > is your own
>> >
>> > the truth is
>> > you are born
>> > and you die
>> > on the earth
>> > heaven is a carrot for fools
>> > sin is the stick that beats you
>> >
>> > you
>> > not me
>> >
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Andrew Burke Copywriting
[log in to unmask] Creative Writing
http://www.bam.com.au/andrew/ Editing
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